Monday, 17 September 2012

blog 5

hello hello!!
sorry i have not posted for a while! i have been busy doing... things.
lately some things have been drawn to my attention.
spewing, as in vomiting and pooping.

EVERY single person knows that dreaded moment when you're either pooping or vomiting and then...SPLOOSH. the toilet water comes up and either hits you in one or all of three places...
1. the face-usually if you're vomiting. if you we're pooping and this happened i would be extremely inquisitive.
2. the wee hole- for men this depends if you do the old 'tuck and hold' whilst pooping.
3. the arsehole- smack bang, 100% on target, bidet (toilet washing apparatus) style wash of toilet water shot from the bowl by the force of the poo hitting the water and right up to your bum! one and three do not usually occur at the same time but hey.. who am i to judge! u can poo how ever you like!
the next thing i'm going to talk about on this topic is noise...HOLD THE PHONE... we are not going to talk about poo noises.
we ARE however talking about vomiting noises...!
some people do it so ridiculously loudly that you would think they were birthing an infant out of their mouth with the help of their vocal chords...! WHAT IS WITH THIS...?!?!?
OMFG... my husband does this... actually my husband sounds more like the stereotypical sound people make when they refer to a person of Arab or Indian decent charging into battle...example:
'WOOLOOBOOLAAAHAAARGHHHHHHH!!' followed by the splat noises.
i am not overly sympathetic. people who do things loudly, like suffering aliments etc. GIVE ME THE SHITS! get the hell over it. EVERYONE already knows ur sick... you don't have to loudly proclaim it into the toilet bowl or bucket.
i have to tell this one story...
my poor husband was throwing up... in his annoying noisy fashion. i was walking past the toilet and couldn't help but start laughing at the hideous battle cry that was emerging from the toilet. between fits of laughter i managed to ask if he was ok and needed a glass of water?... (as i AM a caring wife after all).
he got pretty mad (understandably) at my lack of empathy, sympathy and any other sort of humane feelings and between vomits yelled at me to PISS OFF! i did. and i totally understand where he was coming from but i still stand by my earlier comments of how annoying it is...! he forgave me eventually but i still find it absolutely hilarious... but hey I'm one of those that laughs at people that injure themselves... not serious injuries but stupid ones like toe stubbing etc.
anyway i think i have talked enough about poo and spew...
oh it has been happening in my house a lot lately... gastro at the start of school holidays, then again in the middle and then the girls were sick last night after their 3rd birthday party due to drinking too much face paint bath water...! daddy was in charge! so i'm a bit over it and i'm venting here. any parent would get it!
speak the truth.
x g