Monday, 15 April 2013

the big 10! let's get honest about showering...shared... that is.

OK... before i start on my picking apart of showering...
Today is the day that Boston marathon was attacked by two bombs.
This is terrible and a tragedy. Lets also not forget the countless lives that are LOST daily in the middle east due to a stupid war. A large number of these lately have been children but unless you watch al-Jazeera news then you probably won't know this. so lest we forget the lives that have been prematurely ex-sponged from our living earth.

OK.. now down to business...
i usually have blog ideas rolling around in my head for months and then i jot them down and add stuff ut today.. this one has just come to me and will not leave...
so... showering... what of it..? i hear you ask...
have you ever showered WITH someone else..? yes..? of course you have... you were young once and showered with your siblings. GREAT.. but not it.
i'm talking about YOU having a great relaxing 5 second break from the shitty demands of life and then next thing you know there is a hairy naked man, snake a flapping, doing the bolt into YOUR shower...! whilst you're in it. This is NOT COOL.
unless you have one of those 'you beat i'm filthy rich and have a HUGE shower with two shower heads and copious amounts of room'. then its great for you, but if, like me, you have a normal 1 metre x 1 metre shower with a glass slider then two in there is not great at all. its annoying and uncomfortable and SOMEONE is going to lose out. 
do you know who loses out..? YOU. the woman. and if you're a bloke reading this then bloody pay attention you shower ruiner!!
i get in the shower to do these things: wash hair, condition hair, apply toner and treatment to hair, RINSE, shave legs, wash bits and pieces and contemplate world politics and then get out. occasionally i will write cursive writing on the glass because it always turns out nicely... but ANYWAY not important.
so now that YOU'RE in my shower... none of this can happen. not only is there not enough room...
you are hogging the water and in the way of the shower rack so i can't even REACH my shit and then u do the sex pestering...
OMFG.... sex in a small shower results in uncomfortable times and the lady being drowned in some form or another... but i'm not about to get into details about numerous showering sexual positions.
so not only can i not get water, not reach my stuff i ALSO have to then fend off the kids who come looking for the missing parents at you're 'just having a quick wash/rinse/dip and then you'll be out' and you also have a raging boner that the kids are not seeing... so i stand there naked, cold, not getting any water and deferring the kids with everything i can...! eventually they leave....
AND don't think i haven't tried to wash etc whilst you're in there... cause i have. it just results in the shampoo going weird on my hair due to lack of water and then i get soap and all sorts spray into my eyes and it pounds of your shoulders/head! 
so you see... i don't really ever want to share my shower... UNLESS i invite you in...
which means i have finished my 10 minute ritual of cleanliness and u can come and have a cuddle with me in the water... but i still end up getting partially drowned cause i am shorter than you.
ok. i think i am done here.
moral of the story, as already mentioned, don't come in unless i invited you because i have SHIT I HAVE TO DO!! so i'm not a greasy wookie...!

end rant.

*apologies to Andy... this is not what he does ALL the time... rarely nowadays but i have a feeling i might get in trouble from him never the less for mentioning his man bits on here...!