Saturday, 29 April 2017

26-Why don't guys want to be my friend?

Last night I went out with some nursing peeps to farewell one of the sisters to the UK.
It was an amazing night, even though my sore neck is still giving me grief.
My head is cloudy today and the forecast is in... it is a hangover.
But good times aside... Let us talk about something that is giving me the shits...
Something I've noticed, as I get older and meet people, especially of the opposite sex and especially out on the town is this: If they find out i'm married they don't want to know me anymore.
Do you know that this tells me?
I'm not worth knowing or getting to know unless i'm a mountable prospect.
I'm not worth investing in conversation with unless I am a possible suitor.
And it hasn't just happened. It has been like this for as long as I can remember.
There have been several men I've met whom i'd love to have gotten to know better because they sound like interesting people. I seem to not be able to expand my male friends due to them being scared off by my marital status. I am my own person. I don't have a fricken ball and chain on.
Last time I checked, I'm not forever destined to have female only friends.
Why is this a thing?
Is it too much trouble to get to know me as a person and maintain a friendship if their vagina is not available?
Admittedly, the 'Sorry, I have a boyfriend' excuse was used by myself and my friends in the days of single clubbing when we were being pestered by guys who we were just not interested in, but that is our bloody right. We don't have to put up with bullshit from guys because it's polite and they are the preferred and dominant sex so we mustn't offend them by refusing their advances...! Fuck off. This isn't the 18th Century, BUT has this excuse then preconditioned men to simply back away when they see that a woman is otherwise involved?
I'm not 100% sure how my husband would feel if I came home with a dozen new male friends.
I don't know if their reaction is a guy code thing? I just don't frigging know.
Recently, I went to a dinner party for a good friends 30th. It was one of the best dinner parties I have ever been too.
We talked about all the taboo subjects; religion, politics and so much more.
Both men and women, whom I have never met before held amazing conversation for a steady 3+ hours. It will stick in my mind and give me hope that one day, I may actually meet a guy who is happy to be my friend.
Now I'm not a total naive twat, I understand that going out on the town and getting plastered with copious amounts of alcohol is a pretty good way to find a mate, even if only for a night and that situation vs a sophisticated dinner party where we were forced to converse in some way or another due to us all wanting to be there for the host, makes the two seem incomparable, But I honestly don't think they are that far from the same.
It comes down to seeking conversation purely for the fact of engaging with another person.
Not to try and get in their pants. Just to find out about them and expand your friendship groups.
Lets talk another example of a fail.
I am on LinkedIn. It's a place where professionals to connect and extend their professional outreach and contacts. I have been chatted up on their at least twice that springs to mind in the last two weeks.
It drives me crazy. I want to get to know you. I want to chat. I want to expand my connections and opportunities because god knows that it's all about who you know in this world..! But i sure as shit do not want to go on a date or a drive in your car or any of that shit. this is a professional platform.
Can we not just have a relationship that is purely platonic?!?
Now, lets just clarify one thing. I don't think i'm the hottest shit since sliced bread. I no longer have guys lining up to be the next best thing. I'm 30. That ship has sailed. I have three kids. I feel like a potato with arms and legs. I have been in a relationship with my now husband for 10 years.
One third of my whole existence. So i get it that the old flames have well and truly gone out...
BUT WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS??
I should also point out that I do have male friends who have not tried to get into my pants. Some of whom I have known for a long time. I went to one's wedding just recently and it was magical.
So some men can do it. I guess it just takes a different kind of guy than the one who is out on the town with his friends on Friday night...

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